Pretty tree!!

It’s a foggy day today

And I saw this tree

Shedding all its pretty leaves

All that it had, the colors of

Red, orange and brown

It’s not just this year that she had to go through this

And the challenges of Mother Nature

But still it’s standing on its feet

With pride and courage

Telling me it’s ready for a new beginning
A new Year

A new life with Joy and happiness

There is something I thought I could learn from it

10 years!!

“Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room at both ends”

This quote reminds me of the words my husband always says" why do you come and sit almost on me when there is plenty of room on the other side of the couch". I never knew how i did it but, i always went and sat on his lap even though there was plenty of room.  This year is our 10th Anniversary, unknowingly we hit 10 years. How we reach here? i don't know. Now that i think of ..it feels so strange, that i have been living with this man whom i didn't even know 10 years back. But i should give it to him, he gave me time to know him and feel comfortable in my home.He never restricted me from doing anything. I was as comfortable as i was with my parents with him. He accepted me as I'm and always appreciated me, and told me many times that I'm beautiful. In this 10 years he has unfolded me in ways, i could have never done without him. He gave me an opportunity to explore my life. He made me free and independent. Had he not been there in my life, i would not have been what I'm today. I was very outgoing even before marriage, and i believed in every one who came across. I never used to explore new things, i was scared of water , i was scared of  heights, i was happy with going in the same route every day. But all these things changed, i learned to swim because of him , i went on roller coasters for him though i dint like it. I never used to like driving , but now i do. He proved to me that I'm stronger than what i believe in myself. He is a positive energy in all the negative things that i see. In this 10 years he gave me all that i could ask for , two beautiful kids , a beautiful home . I'm so thankful that he is part of my life and i wish he should have all that he wants in life.
I love you more than anything in this world my dear Husband.
With Love...

A walk with a stranger..

I have gone through some friendships which have changed drastically; having so much in common to ... do I really know this person. It’s from sharing everything to...  are we on the same page anymore.

I started walking a road with a stranger years back
Talking, joking, teasing, fighting, crying , patching

As the days went by; I though I was getting to know him better

We were glad that our paths crossed and the road felt beautiful


He laughed when i joked, he spoke when he wanted to, he shared when he felt like
But to me, he was there every moment, living breathing

It mattered to me to speak to him every day
He was a good listener  with smiles in between


It was no seconds or minutes or hours that i knew him now, it was years all of a sudden 
Unknowingly we reached the end of the road into a crossroads
He didn't bother, but left me behind making me feel worthless
And Judging every word that i said


We tried very hard to get to normal after each storm

both of us were bruised
I have decided to forget  and go along
But it hurts him each time he looks at each one of it

I thought we walked along this road together 
But turned out,that i was the one pursuing him to walk with me all along
He bottled up all the hurt and the grudge
And branded me with his logo as useless nerd

Here I'm  standing in the crossroads thinking, do i take his path again?

Forcing him and pursuing him to walk along ? As in the end..

Did i really get to know this stranger? Does he really know me?
As the stranger walks away leaving me behind, i feel he remained still as a stranger after years.

zindagi na milegi dobara!!!

Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum
Nazar mein khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum
Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise aazad rehno seekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna seekho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Har ek pal ek naya samaa dekhiye
Jo apni aankhon mein hayraniyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum

Very true to every word, no one gets their life back again, once time gone is gone for good. Fill the time you have in your hands now with happiness, so that they remain as your good memories for tomorrow. And you look back, you can only see happiness even in your tough times. As you grow older life teaches you practical lessons.Its good that we go through problems, it will make us stronger and better people.

All that mattered to him was " He DiD IT"

As an anxious parent in the audience, i was clicking pictures of each moment he was on the stage and listening carefully to see if he misses a note ( which i knew he would). I was very disturbed when he did miss, but he confidently corrected himself to the piano and played the whole song. When he came back to me after the recital, i asked him " did you know you missed a note" the answer i got from him was but 'Amma, are you proud of me?'. At that deepest moment, i could not help but give him a hug and say that i was proud of him. And realized, for his age he was on the stage facing so many people and had the confidence to do what he was doing. Which even today i don't think i have  the guts . How could i not think of all the emotions he might have gone through to play to the strangers?.. Sometimes expectations really don't matter ...all that matters is the time you have & how you had....which i learned today!!!!

         But i still wanted to know from him if he knew he made a mistake :-) and guess what he knew it !!!  

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Quotes i love!!

Life:

Life Is Like A Camera Just Focus on What's Important

Capture The GOOD TIMES

Develop From The Negatives

And If Things Dont Turn Out - Just Take Another Shot.

Tough Times:

Tough times are like physical exercise: you may not like it while you're doing it, but tomorrow you'll be stronger because of it.

Love:

The best kind of relationships begin unexpectedly. When you get the astonished feeling and everything happens suddenly.That's why you don't look for love. It comes to you just at the right time ; the time you never thought it would have.

 Gratitude:

An attitude of gratitude is naturally attractive. It has the power to turn challenges into possibilities, problems into solutions, and losses into gains. It shifts the energy. It expands our vision and allows us to see what might normally be invisible to someone with a limiting attitude.

It's just you!!!

Ya, i call you when i know you wont take my call

Ya, i search for you, when you are not online

when i know you are there to answer, i don't care much..

When i don't see you, i think of you so much..

When you are available, i don't want you...
But when you are not, i need you..

What do i call this ? craziness or madness

Or taking it for granted as such

I hate your opinionated views

and i hate your strong attitude

But i have learned to accept you

as is, as it's just you!!

Failure...To Peace..

Failure was such a wrong word for me when i was a kid. If you fail in any grade it is a bad thing that could ever happen. I only heard people say that you failed, you are poor academically.  Failure was just a taboo. But as i grew older lets say in my 20's i realized that not everything in life will work the way you want. There are times you will be disappointed with the choices that you make, and you would feel as a failure. I used to fret about the mistakes that i made.  It was like ..i should have ..it could have ...kind.  But then again the more older i grew  that's in my 30's i realized that failure is not a bad thing at all.  I learned that it teaches you a lesson to become stronger.
 
Past few months have been really rough on me, in every possible way. I was failing repeatedly. This was the first time in my life no matter what i take up its a failure. When i failed on by plan A, i concentrated on my plan B, then again i failed, now I'm on my plan C. When i failed on my plan A, it was a little jerk, then i told myself to focus. Then Plan B failed, this time i dint feel the jerk at all, as I'm prepared for it. I'm not sure how my plan C would go, but this process has made me stronger in ways i could never imagine. I'm Focused, stopped being emotional, stopped worrying, I'm just concentrating on the things that needs to be done only in a day.I started living for today and being happy for today. I'm content with what i have. It does not bother me for the things that i don't have.I find happiness in small small things. I want to laugh more so i read jokes, listen to one new song that i have not heard everyday, i started chanting at least 10 times the name of the God i like. I think this process has finally taught me how to be peaceful , untouched and unattached with the anything.

A friends love!!

i donno..i feel so connected with u!

i am afraid i will lose it!

i have poured my heart out to u!

it does not happen..not sure how it happened..its like love..u donno how it happened!

anyhow!

Lakshmi Rajagopalan

Through the Window of your Eyes

Through the window of your eyes
I see a sunshine
even on a rainy day

Through the window of your eyes
I  can smile
having a tear at the tip of my eye


Through the window of your eyes
I can dance
To every tune of yours
To see you surprised

Through the window of your eyes
My bright side of the day is at night
When i can hug you tight

I'm thankful that my daughter gave me the privilege to be her MOM!!

Enamorednesssssssss.....

What language do you speak?
I don't know  that ,but
You are in every language
and every language speaks of you

What color are you?
I don't know  that ,but
I see your colors in every emotion
In every attachment
In every  virtue
kindness and compassion
In every relationship
And in every Friendship

What form do you take?
I don't know that , but
You are a noun , you are found in every person, place, animal and thing 

Do you have a religion, culture?
I don't know that , but
But every religion follows you
And wants you!!

I know.....
You are  profoundly tender
You are Passionate

You are a Pleasure

You are Needed

You are Wanted

You are Embraced

You are Cherished

You are What you are 

Cannot be seen

Can only be felt!!!!

A Mother's Note !!

When i saw you for the first time
I could not wait to have you in my arms
Tears of joy poured out

As i held you close to my heart
You are the most precious gift i ever got
You made me a Mom for the first time
And taught me patience
This was 6 years ago

10 months ago
I never knew how you looked
I never knew what i would name you
I never knew how your brother would feel about you
And then you were out completing the family
You brought all the joy and happiness with  your happy smiles
And you are the most perfect pearl I could ask for
We held you close to our hearts...
You made me a mom for the second time
You taught me calm and composure

As you both grow older i'm sure you will teach me a lot to be a better person.
With Love to Ritvik/Shrika
Mom

A Thought

A thought ... it can make you angry , it can make you sad , it can make you happy , it can also be anything you don't want to think about  but you keep thinking of it. The more you think the more it bothers you. Then i thought what do i do with these thoughts and ended up in a poem.

I Thought about it hard
And i thought about it strong
The thought about "letting go" its so head strong

Every time things go wrong
I yearn not to hold on
I told myself to move on
But then the though about you gets me back on

Then i tell myself  "hang on"
I'm getting into this thought of you right on
The more i think the more they bother me
As they linger in my mind on and on

I want to get hold of these  rippling thoughts
They are caged in my mind
And free them as bird out of cage
So that i can move on
Way up in the sky!!

Home Coming..

Most people like sunshine /bright day , but for me a rainy day works much better as I'm more active and i accomplish a lot on those days. Today was one of those gloomy days as most people call it , and i was sipping my Starbucks coffee which i brewed in the morning and was driving to work. It feels so right to get back to my routine which i think i was missing after the visit to my homeland. What was home to me once does not seem to be home to me anymore. Its not that I'm not patriotic but its because i have started my life again in a different place, i worked hard to build my life and got to somewhere. I got comfortable in my own cocoon and would like to live that way. Though i was tired after hours of journey with a baby on my lap , when the plain was  landing the feeling of being home was something unexplainable. The bunches of trees which looked like broccoli form the top and the rows of houses which stood straight was like picture perfect painting. The cars where like tiny toy cars going on a track , and the clean and neat roads made my heart beat faster then it should.When i stepped back to my house, it was a horror scene though. There were piles of yellow pollen on the patio , all my plants dried off  of the cold weather and house looked much more emptier then before. I had no one to talk to and i had nothing to eat until i got to the grocery store. But i still felt it at home as i have lots of memories built in that house. That was my first house, and my son learned his bike riding in that house , i remember the sounds of this bike inside the house going zoom zoom zoom . We had happy times having karaoke singing in our house and the parties and the baby showers.My children learning to walk, talk , run and started their schools  ....I remember gazing at the walls for hours thinking what painting would look good on it and imagining how it looks in my mind and running around the stores to find the kind i want with my budget. I remember standing for hours cleaning it and making it look as a new bride all the time. I spent most of the weekends cleaning , lighting the incenses sticks and candles in the night and just sitting on the couch and watching TV. Each and every thing in the house was something i worked hard for, something which i dreamed of for long . Most of the summer morning i spent planting and trimming and playing with the mud until the drops of sweat poured down my cheeks as the sun was showing his heat and when my stomach was growling for food that was when i used to step back into the house to make some coffee. Its not been that long that i am back, the flowers started to show up .I felt all these plants were waiting for me to come back home to take care of them . And they showered their love towards me in the form of flowers. These plants were like my babies , i took care of them in every possible way to keep them happy and healthy.After you move out of your parents and start living on your own , the place you live becomes home.

Starting of New Year 2012 -Decisions to make

When years came by and went and i never realized how easy it was all these years and how i was blessed until the start of 2012. Every one's new year might have started with something. For my cousin 2011 is last bachelor year, he will be getting married in Feb of 2012. Some might have done lots of traveling . Some shopping and some studying  and the list goes on and on...but for me it has started with lots of thinking and decisions to make. My Husband has been in India for few months for his parents and he wanted us to join him for few months as its hard for me with two kids to stay alone.But I'm in half mind due to various reasons. Not that i don't love my country , I didn't want to disturb the routine. So i had to decide to go or  to not go? if i don't how will i manage with the kids alone?If i have to join him,whether to quit my job or not to quit? If i keep the job and decide to stay back alone with the kids, how will i manage work , kids school and the new baby all alone in this country?

When i was breaking my head over all these things, one good friend of mine said only one thing.. " No matter what it is , make peace with it" and another friend said " make a decision and be happy with it".

Then when i sat back and thought about it , it made things clear, no matter what the problems are, it is much easier when every one is at one place, struggle together , laugh together , cry together and be happy together . And make peace so that every one is happy.


When you are married for years and build your relationship, its not easy to let go.  At the same time though you love each other very much , when you have built your empire on your won and struggled your way to build it , its hard to leave everything at once for your partner. On the contrary, though you have your empire, but no family to be happy , there is no meaning for your achievement.

So i have lots to decide and think through, i will keep yo posted in my next post..